When’s the last time today you said: “I don’t know how to…”? How many times did you say it yesterday? This week?
What if I told you the more you say this, the more likely it becomes true? Instead of calling it a self-fulfilling prophecy, I call it the “‘I don’t know how to’” spiral. The more you repeat it to yourself, the more your brain will take it as a cue and make it real.
This spiral. will. slow. you. way. down.
Let’s do an experiment.
Take a moment to think of a situation where you thought “I don’t know how…”
Now complete the following sentence with that situation.
Say the “I don’t know how to ____________” statement out loud.
So what if you feel a little uncomfortable? Do it anyway. 🙂
Now, notice how your body reacts. Do you feel more open? Do you feel more closed? Do you feel neutral? Don’t worry, there’s no right answer. Just notice how your body reacts.
If you felt closed off or tight, that’s your body and mind slowing you down.
Getting stuck in this thought pattern will bring you to a full stop.
You can escape your I-don’t-know-how spirals.
Let’s do another experiment.
Say each of the statements below, slowly and out loud. After each statement, pause two maybe three seconds to see how it lands in your body.
Notice if it is light or heavy or somewhere in between. It helps to write down what comes up for you. Use the same topic from above in each of the following variations.
1. “I want to want to figure out __________.” How does that land?
2. “I want to figure out __________.” What does that bring up?
3. “I am figuring out __________.” Again, tune into your body.
4. “I know how to __________.” What’s your body telling you?
Which of those didn’t feel good? Which felt the best? It’s ok if you felt neutral for some of the statements.
Now compare how the statement that felt the best compared to the “I don’t know how to” statement. What difference do you notice? If better, how much better?
Pause when you catch yourself saying, “I don’t know how….”
Notice how your body reacts. Try reframing it with one of the statements above. Notice which evokes the lightest, easiest feeling. Say it again.
As a bonus, try putting the two together like this:
“Up until now, I thought I didn’t know how to do _______,
but now I (version that worked best) _____________.”
An extra bonus: say your best-feeling statement 5 times in a row a couple of times during the day. Notice any shifts in your attitude toward the topic at the end of the day.
Use this technique to keep yourself moving.
I’ve gotten so good at catching myself on the “I don’t know how to” moments. You will too. Pretty soon you’ll find yourself replacing your I-don’t-know with “I’m figuring this out” without skipping a beat.
Here’s a worksheet you can use to practice learning this technique.
What I-don’t-know-how-to’s popped up for you?
I get so excited teaching this tool to my clients. I’m always eager to hear how it lands for them. I’d be curious to hear how this landed for you. Send me an email at pierre at pierrebradette dot com to let me know.
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To your success,
Pierre
Certified Professional Coach
Entrepreneurship comes with bumps—some you can’t avoid, but a lot you can.
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